It's plumcot juice

These are from a long time ago, but no need to leave them hanging around on my phone.......

Tonight has been quite a doozey. Maybe it's the full moon? Maybe it's the inordinate amount of fruit I've consumed? Maybe it's the alignment of Pluto with whatever the heck it's currently aligned with.....on a aside note, if you have two points in space aren't they always aligned along some axis?

As I meandered through the back hallways of radiology badge free, slightly disheveled and covered in random fruit juice...
Security, "Miss, can I speak to you over here for a moment?"
Me, "uh, sure...."
Security," A have reports of someone by your description attempting to open multiple doors."
Me, "I just want a candy bar!"
Surprised look on Security's face.
Me, "I mean, my attending said he would leave his office door unlocked in case I wanted chocolate later on in my call shift, and he is new. I don't know which office is his."
Security (chuckling), "OK, enjoy your morning."

CT of the head:
Indication: punched wall

Unnamed Resident, "You have Memorial food and Big Bang Theory! I'm so jealous. Can I watch while you help me with a chest xray?"
No worries, I sent her away with a kiwi and a package of hummus when her pager went off and she couldn't stay to watch Big Bang Theory in between me reading scans.

Floor nurse, "oh, I thought you were someone else."
Me, "Who did you think I was?"
FN, "The Vascular guy I talked to earlier, you both have that sweet southern accent."
Me, "Did you say Vascular GUY?"
FN, "Yeah, the one with the southern accent, why?"
Me, "No, reason."
I wish I could say the Vascular guy sounded like a chick when I spoke to him later, but he sounded very masculine to me. 

Is that a fish in his gallbladder?

A, "Your socks don't match."
B, "They coordinate, they are my patriotic socks."
A, "You can't wear one blue sock and another red and white sock."
B, "Actually I can, I'm doing it right now."
The grammatical humor was lost on A.

It's on the bottom of page 2 of 1.

Tech, "Sometimes I think you Radiologists just make up words in your reports to see if people are paying attention."
(We don't, but that's a fantastic idea.)

Overheard half of phone conversation in hallway," It's only a flesh wound."......"As you wish."....."It's not a tumor."
You have to appreciate a conversation that can be carried entirely in obscure movie quotes.

Every healthcare professional should watch the Radiology vs. ER video. One of those adorable little animated bear cartoons that some creative person typed in the dialog for. That pretty much sums up my call night.

A small stash of call quotes that were hanging out.

Heart Pompatations, they do a body good. (Sometimes I think the techs are just testing to see if I am paying attention.)



As I see my attending disinfect his keyboard and mouse for the sixth time tonight I wonder, what kind of super bug is he cultivating...maybe I should wonder what kind of bugs are growing on my keyboard, but I prefer not to.



Me, "I just used the words 'Massive fecal impaction'."
The physician response to opening the images, "Holy Crap!"
Me, "Exactly, but they won't let me dictate that."



Tonight's serenade from the dark hallway is a security guard mumbling with the occassional outburst of "ROXANNE"



It's a cookie cookie cheesecake. You simply place a warm chocolate chip cookie on top of the oreo crumbs already on the cheesecake.  When you are on call there are no calories; that's just a fact.



But I don't wanna be the Cancer Maven. (said with pouty lips)



5:15pm- Me, "Did you cut your hair?"
A, "No."
Me, "Oh, Ok, well I like your hair today."

7:30 pm- A, "I had to come back to tell you, I remember getting my hair cut this past weekend. No idea why I didn't remember that."
Me, "Well, I still like it. Thanks for making that special trip back to tell me"
A," It was the least I could do, I felt like I had lied to you." (walks away)


Phone conversation-
ED Charge, "Hey, what do you have for me?"
Me, "Just a couple of normal Head CTs..."
ED Charge, "Do you watch Big Bang Theory?"  
Background voices, "Rock, Paper, Scissors, Lizard, Spock."
Me, "Yes, Why...and what's happening down there?"
ED Charge, "Apparently I'm the only one who doesn't"
Background voices, "No, paper disproves Spock."

Maybe we need to work on our definitions of "abnormal"

Being tucked away in my dark cave can occasionally have perks, not the least of which is people think they are alone in the Rads hallway.
At a fairly loud volume...Random male physician in the hallway, " This is the part of me, you're never ever gonna take from me, I kissed a girl and I liked it,UH UH UH uh uh, hmm hmm hmm."

The same security guard has walked past five times tonight whistling, from the best I can tell, the theme to Super Mario Bros.

A quote from me, "It's more than half way around the world."
Just further proof of my lack of geography knowledge ;-)

Unnamed Resident, " His forth, proximal phalanx hurts on the volar aspect." ...."And I really like bananas"... "Just FYI."

Non Rads Attending, "Radiology must be a sweet gig, but I bet your butt gets numb and you have an increased risk of carpal tunnel."
Me, "My butt is a bit numb."

Same Attending, "If I CT my hand will you 3D reconstruct it so it looks like it is going to smack you, I need a visual to text my children when they act up."... "I'm mostly joking."

Same Attending, " You are a tiny frightening woman."
Me, "What?"
Attending," I'm sure you get the tiny part, but the frightening is just a 'quality'. You know like Chandler on Friends had a homosexual 'quality', you have a frightening 'quality'."... "That's a compliment."
Me, "Thanks?"

A, "The pizza looks hot."
Cafeteria worker, "Nah, they never really get more than luke warm."
A, "Um, OK." (walks away without pizza)
I admire his honesty in the matter, no false advertising of cafeteria food there.

And for your furthur amusement and to see other people having fun at work, some Friends Bloopers...not my video, just thought they were funny.

Aortas and Subdurals and Pennies.......oh my.

A night on call of iffy findings and hilarious findings.  Makes the adage about not doing anything you don't want to explain to a paramedic ring even more true.

Refering doc, "Are those pennies?"
Rad, "No, that's seventeen cents."
Doc, "I only see four coins, where are the other thirteen."
Rad, "Um, There are only four coins."
Doc, "You said seventeen cents."
Rad, (pause) "Two pennies, a nickel and a dime."
Doc, (longer pause) (hangs head) "Go ahead, laugh, I know you want to."
These conversations are always more fun in person. And, oh how happy I would have been if they had let me keep the film!

Oooohh! Cookie!
(Exclaimed three times tonight by three different people) (about the same cookie) (which is still sitting in the same spot) (the lack of known cookie origin makes it less desirable apparently)


A, "I want to die of a massive stroke in my sleep."
B, "If we're going to discuss this random morbid thought...Why not a massive heart attack?"
A, "I like my heart, it's done nothing to me, but my brain...it deserves it!"
C, "Is there any way for an ischemic insult to your fat to kill you, because i have a real bone to pick with it."

If you add All Bran flakes to your Corn Flakes they are suddenly a health food.

Person A,"why is water the main ingredient in everything we eat?"
Person B,"maybe because it's the main ingredient in humans."
Person A, "nerd."

If it hadn't been for the one hour whale harpooning the night may have been salvageable.

A-"where do you think all that stool goes?" (regarding a quite overloaded CT of the abdomen)
B-"it Depends" (I'll give you a bit to think about that one.)

Random on call thoughts.

A night on call.....The important thoughts, from myself and the anonymous. 
Crab cakes with chipotle mayo, lime vinaigrette couscous...and a Pepsi max.  $3.94.
This was my cafeteria dinner on call tonight.  Sounds frightening from a hospital cafeteria, but surprisingly nice.
How do you stab yourself in the eye opening bacon? Be a good girl scout and cut AWAY from you face.  Who am I to judge, I burn myself on the oven on a nearly monthly basis.
You are heartless if you don't cry during "The Vow."
Bochdalek.... Bochdalek..... Bochdalek....still sounds funny no matter how many times I say it.
I was cold all day, why is my Twix melted?
Apparently we have started a nonagenarian clinic in here tonight.
Nonagenarian (plural nonagenarians) -One who is between the age of 90 and 99, inclusive.
When we grow up we want to be disgruntled Wal-Mart greeters. It's good to have goals.
Look at the tiny little enhancing mass, don't you just want to put it in your pocket to take it home and feed it.
Support hose at 29 = no varicose veins at 30.
Sure, there were more educationally valuable thoughts of the night, but these are the ones that make life interesting.
Recap of the week:
Survived the presentations. Never made it to the gym. Planned a mini vacation for my 29*th birthday. Hugged the best boyfriend in the world as many times as I could (you would hug him too if he had helped with your research citations!) 36 days remaining.

Quotes from the zoo

Got to spend some time at the St. Louis Zoo with Teddi (more on call thoughts to come).

As she noticed all the strange noises people make at zoos- I noticed all the strange things people say at the zoo.  Below are some chosen quotes.   The names have been eliminated to protect the innocent.




Small child, "Hey, wake YO sleepy head up." (loudly to the innocent napping bear)


Adult A, "Why don't they put all the gazelles in the same pen?"
Adult B "That's an Alarming Honk...not a gazelle."
Adult A " No, that's a gazelle that speaks with an alarming honk according to the sign."
Adult B "Never mind, I have no idea why they spread out the gazelles, and in my defense, on the sign, Alarming Honk was bolded."
Adult A, (snaps picture of sign to remember the moment)

(After spotting the large pair of brown leggings draped over a random rail,) "Oh, ...look..., pants, .....someone is walking around without pants,..... how unfortunate."


Teenage girl," What is this .....Ugh.....it's JUST a raccoon."  (As we all read the below sign)

Adult C "I don't know what they are, but they poop."


Adult A, "Stop that!! There are little kids everywhere!" (To the preening penguin.)


Adults talking TO the prairie dogs "I wonder what they think of us." "Stand back up and pose for me!" "you're so much cuter when you stand up."

Adult A," I hope he's not dead, after the park the other day with the dead duck and turtle, oh, he blinked, we're good"

Adult A, "I'm just chilling...eating my plant....no big deal." (narrating the movements of the gorilla)

Adult A, "Ooh do that again...IT WAS LIKE YOGA!!!"  (to the gazelle)

Adult A, "I'm glad they can be friends, these ostrich and for legged things,  along with the stork and the gazelle."

Adult A, "Look I found the zebras, well half of them." (See Okapi pic below)

Adult A "We are finding these giraffes!!! .. You think they hang out in the antelope house?"


Adult B "I think we're going to see some okapi copulate...is it twisted that I'm waiting for it"

Adult B "They're so cute!"
Adult A "No, I've seen 'Kangaroo Jack' they are not cute they are evil evil creatures"

Small girl, "They look like Bambi, my tummy hurts. " (never even took a pause between thoughts)


Adult D to her husband and the Blue jay in the cage, "Hey, look at you....you're massive ... if we can train ravens we can train Jays... can we get a Raven...and a blue jay?"

Little brother " What are they eating?"
Adult E "Watermelon." (father walks away)"
Big brother "That's frozen water."    (FYI, it was frozen water)

Bonus-
"I don't have to die in a cornfield tonight, the Backstreet Boys are not 40."

More Random On Call Thoughts for Teddi

1. Person A,"Why after a month of having a symptom do you come into the emergency department on a Saturday night?"
Person B,"I don't know, slow night at the strip club?"
Person A,"It's an elderly man."
Person B,"His favorite stripper had a night off?"
Person A,"Sounds plausable."
Half hour later.
Person A,"What's our assumption on this one, symptoms for three months, young female?"
Person B,"We found our stripper!"
Person A," I think your answers say a lot about what you do when you have a Saturday night off."
Person B,"Someone has to put those girls through Med School."
2. Why do people feel the urge to point out that I am pleasant on the phone...are they insinuating I am unpleasant in person?
3. Only time I've between psyched about "Spring Forward". I lose an hour of CALL, hopefully not that hour of sleep I might have gotten though.
4. It's amazing that people can not see the reasoning behind my slight jealousy of the "stay at home mom".
5. DOGS ARE PEOPLE TOO! (lmao, from a passing by patient in the hallway)
6. Patience is a virtue, patients are not. (quote from a referring doc.....I have no idea what it means)
7. Where the heck do people get all these pallets on pinterest?
8. I just wrote the word "the" and had to stare at it to see if it was spelled correctly. (and people call me Dr.)
9. I could be perfectly happy being a photographer, home flipper, home stager, interior designer, personal chef, or florist.....or chipmunk trainer.
10. I do not understand the current sock monkey obsession. (just a random fact)